GIFmovie of DobbsMorph

The Slack Fist of Retrieval

                                feel this MIGHTY FIST!
                             art by Rev. Numen Remissionis
                       ________________________________________

                           Welcome! You have chosen wisely!

   In your wisdom, and now that we can take credit cards through a toll-free number,
      before proceeding further you will surely wish first to purchase spiritual
     insurance through our newly refined [1][SCATBUT.GIF] [2]OF GOODS AND SERVICES
       (The nude photos are included only as a 'draw' and are not to be used for
                                masturbatory purposes.)

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      ARE YOU ALREADY A SAVED SUBGENIUS, FULLY PREPARED TO PLUNGE ON INTO THE WEB
                                   PALACE OF DOBBS?
                       DARE you venture DEEPER, EVER DEEPER into
                         [3]THE ONLINE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL?

   [GLOW3BOB.GIF] Are you ready? Do you have what it takes? Do you have hundreds of
        hours of free time? Within are a few dozen holy books' worth of divine
   revelation, brought to you at great personal risk by The SubGenius Foundation and
     its millions of friends and agents. Go past this door, and you may never come
                                out. We're warning you.
                             [4]OPEN THE GATES OF PARADISE
   Roll aside the stone, enter the Mouth of the DobbSpider and descend into the very
                                  Bowels of the Web!

                              [gradiated-6pt-line.gif] or

     DO YOU NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS, FIRST? Reality is
   fluid in this realm, so we offer you a CHOICE of official One True Explanations,
                               all of them conflicting.

                           #1. [5]Everything is explained in
                            [6]SUBGENIUS PAMPHLET NUMBER 1
                The NEW Web reprint of the classic that started it all!

                                        OR TRY:

                        [TransDEVOBOB.GIF] [7]ETERNAL SALVATION
                               or Triple Your Money Back
   Plunge into Dimension X! (Hint: Don't let the Devil distract you with his links!
     Read this Pamphlet first. THEN go back and try following the million and one
                                  links. HEH HEH HEH)

                    OR: [8]Alternate "Explanations" for the Church
                Pity the poor devil who asks for a "FAQ" on slt.slack.

                                          OR:
     Thanks to modern Xistech, you can skip over everything else and save time and
                                      effort with
                          [9]The E-Z Quick-Implant BrainWipe
    -- the entire doctrine of the Church, all the books and radio shows, digitally
    compressed and Subliminimally Encoded, injected directly into your eye's retina
                         and pumped straight to the brainpan.

                       YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO READ OR THINK AGAIN.

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           [Negaloopsm.gif] [10]"Bob's" Slacktime Funhouse [Negaloopsm.gif]
     Downloadable death-games, gimmicks, gizmos, screensavers, movies, viruses and
                         other SubGenius-customized programs.

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    Grab your darlin' (or darlin's; ANY species allowed) and jump on that Temporary
                 Hitchin' Wagon with your very own online, interactive
                             [11]Short Duration Marriage!
       Simply fill in the forms, hold hands, push the button and watch your own
   personalized ceremony and emailed marriage certificate come spewing back at you!
   Once you have that piece of paper in your hands, the two (or more) of you will be
                 able to get away with anything, with TOTAL IMPUNITY!!

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    Are you AWARE [12]how little time remains before THE RUPTURE on X-DAY?? (HINT:
           you'll need Java capability to see this, elsewise don't bother.)

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   [13]IMPORTANT CHURCH NEWS and SHORTCUTS to the NEWLY-ADDED STUFF on THIS WEBSITE!
                  Don't miss out on this ever-updated HANDY FEATURE!

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                   [14]The Holy SubGenius Digest Slackmail Archives
    Thousands of years ago, before even alt.slack had evolved, there lived on this
     earth a SubGenius bbs originating at M.I.T.'s Artificial Intelligence lab in
     Boston. These are the fossil remnants left by those long-extinct SubGeniuses.

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                                [15]YOU CAN'T GO HERE.

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    REMEMBER: The purest, most sublime Slack obtainable is that derived from simply
     avoiding THE CRAP THAT YOU HAVE TO DO. A good example of this is when you do
    laundry, but just leave everything in the dryer, picking it out as needed over
   the following week. In a way, that's exactly what you are doing now, at this web
   site. The longer you procrastinate by lollygagging here, the more Slack you will
        accrue. If you're accessing the Net at a flat rate, staying here longer
      effectively makes your per-hour rate decrease. GOING DEEPER AND DEEPER INTO
                            DOBBS' PALACE SAVES YOU MONEY!

          [bobline.gif] OUR CURRENT STATE OF UPHEAVAL IS NO CONCERN OF YOURS
   This web palace will always be "under contruction," for ever, and ever, and ever.
   We appreciate your inconvenience, your suffering, your impatience and rage. "Live
                                 it, or live with it".
                                -- The Firesign Theater
     ____________________________________________________________________________

     We HATE to have to say this, but all of this crap only looks only REMOTELY as
   glamorous as it should unless you're using [16]Netscape version 2.0 or later, or
                             Microsoft Internet Explorer.
                             SO [17]GET IT AND GET TO IT.

   If you're on a slow modem or trapped inside America Online, and all this gorgeous
   artwork that you CAN'T SEE is driving you crazy, bear with it. 90 percent of the
   hundreds of articles, rants, news and reviews that lie beyond these opening pages
     are still devoid of art and will be E-Z-to-skim... for a little while longer,
               anyway. Enjoy your crappy equipment while you still can!

    TECHNO-NOTES: We have gone to some lengths to make sure that this fairly tricky
     website works on both Netscape and Explorer. If something gives you trouble,
     please [18]let us know! It also looks quite good with AOL's browser... INSIDE
    REV. STANG'S MACINTOSH, that is. AOL's wobbly connection to the rest of the Net
   cripples this site; you won't even know you're missing most of the art and all of
               the GIFmovies. We sympathize, but we cannot wait for AOL.

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                           THE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL: ONLINE
   AIEEEEE! Address all correspondence, submissions, supplications, prayer requests
    and donations to The SubGenius Foundation, Inc., PO Box 140306, Dallas, Texas,
   USA 75214; e-mail [19]slack@subgenius.com; fax 214-320-1561. We are irresponsible
      with unsolicited contributions. If you have a question about our mail order
    service, [20]email JESUS at slack@subgenius.com or fax Him at (214)324-0993. Or
        call toll free, 1-888-669-2323. DEALERS PLEASE INQUIRE FOR BULK RATES.
    Subscribers must inform this office of any change of address; failure to do so
   jeopardizes the subscriber's sole chance for Transfiguration and planetary escape
                                   on July 5, 1998.

   Printed on electrons hand-picked by monks from the atom fields of [21]Dobbstown,
      Maylasia, using recycled brain cells and serotonin donated by the faithful.
      Purchase price will be completely refunded without question should eternal
   damnation result from the reading of this web site. Any similarity between people
    and places in fiction and semifiction, and any real people or places, is purely
                    coincidental. All models are over 18 years old.

   Beware of lame imitations. So-called "SubGenius" or "Dobbs Approved" products by
     other manufacturers are not necessarily sanctioned by, nor representative of,
      this, the only legally incorporated seat of Dobbs' earthly kingdom and sole
     Called Bearers of The Covenant Trademark. Beware of possible counterfeits or
      Prankster Versions of SubGenius Foundation output. If your FISTfiles don't
     originate from sunsite.unc.edu, slack@subgenius.com or i.stang@subgenius.com,
    they may have been tampered with to make us look even worse than we really are.
    But then, that may be true even if they DO originate at i.stang@subgenius.com,
                        slack@subgenius.com or sunsite.unc.edu.
                "Earth-Knife" illo above is by St. Palmer Vreedeez/LIES
                       ________________________________________

       The essential SubGenius teachings are encapsulated in [22]THE BOOK OF THE
         SUBGENIUS (ISBN number 0-671-63810-6) and in [23]REVELATION X -- THE
   "BOB"APOCRYPHON (ISBN # 0-671-77006-3), Fireside Books trade paperbacks published
      by Simon & Schuster. See the flipside of this Web site for catalog of other
   Church products including audio and video tapes, wearing apparel, and protective
                        devices ([24]"PRICELIST OF THE GODS").

      THE STARK FIST is a product of the Church of the SubGenius official Dallas
       headquarters and public outreach arm, The SubGenius Foundation, Inc., and
      specifically of the First Orthodox Stangian MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's
   Covenant Church of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected, and of contributing True
                     Apostles of the Dobbs of other denominations.
     ____________________________________________________________________________

      COPYRIGHT © 1995 by The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. All rights reserved. The
     Graven Image of "Bob" Dobbs' Face is a registered trademark of The SubGenius
                       Foundation, Inc. [gradiated-6pt-line.gif]

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References

   1. https://www.subgenius.com/scatalog.html
   2. https://www.subgenius.com/scatalog.html
   3. https://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/fistclutch1.html
   4. https://www.subgenius.com/virus.html
   5. https://www.subgenius.com/xplan.html
   6. https://www.subgenius.com/pam1/pamphlet.html
   7. https://www.subgenius.com/pams/pam2p1.html
   8. https://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/answers/faqs/faqs.html
   9. https://www.subgenius.com/EZbrainwash.1.html
  10. https://www.subgenius.com/Sifting.user.html
  11. https://www.subgenius.com/marriage.html
  12. http://sunsite.unc.edu/id/xday/test.html
  13. https://www.subgenius.com/churchnews.html
  14. https://www.subgenius.com/subg-digest
  15. https://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/bulldada/Cant.go.here.blank.html
  16. http://home.mcom.com/
  17. http://home.mcom.com/
  18. mailto:i.stang@metronet.com
  19. mailto:slack@subgenius.com
  20. mailto:slack@metronet.com
  21. https://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/eyes/stangart/stangart.html
  22. https://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/classic/classics/X0003_botsg-intro.html
  23. https://www.subgenius.com/scatalog.html
  24. https://www.subgenius.com/scatalog.html
  25. https://www.subgenius.com/index2.html