The Gnu Song

   A year ago last thursday, I was strolling in the zoo
   When I met a man who thought he knew the lot
   He was laying down the law about the habbits of baboons
   And the number of quills a porcupine has got
   So I asked him "What's that creature's name?" and he answered "That's a helk!"
   And I'd have gone on thinking that was true
   If the animal in question hadn't put that chap to shame,
   And remarked—"I ain't a helk—I'm a gnu!

   I'm a gnu—I'm a gnu
   The g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo
   I'm a gnu—how do you do?
   You really oughtta g-know w-who's w-who
   I'm a gnu—spelt G - N - U
   I'm not a camel or a kangaroo
   So let me introduce, I'm neither man nor moose
   Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no, I'm a gnu!"

   I had taken furnished lodgings down at Rustington-on-sea
   Whence I travelled on to Aston-under-lyne
   On the second night I stayed there I was wakened from a dream
   Which I'll tell you all about some other time
   Among the hunting trophies on the wall above my bed
   Stuffed and mounted was a face I thought I knew
   A bison? An okapi? Could it be a hearty beast?
   Then I seem to hear a voice—"I'm a gnu!

   I'm a gnu—a-g-nother gnu
   I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you
   I'm a gnu—how do you do?
   You really oughtta g-know w-who's w-who
   I'm a gnu—spelt G - N - U
   Call me bison or okapi and I'll sue
   Nor am I in the least like that dreadful hearty beast
   Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no, I'm a gnu!
   G-no, g-no, g-no, I'm a gnu!
   G-no, g-no, g-no, I'm a gnu!"

                                                                    Flanders & Swann